the best and worst day

South Beach, so beautiful!

After a long day in the sunshine, Frisbee playing, bartering, and the company of great people it was time for us to go back and meet the rest of the group. This is where my day went from one of the best days, to one day that I will never forget. And not because the beaches were absolutely amazing and I think everyone should see Africa and all its beauty it has to offer, or that the people we bartered with were so talented and made me earrings from scratch, or that M and I played Frisbee with three Masai men who were walking by for over an hour.  It was on our way home, we were driving a bajaj, I was looking out at the scenery as usual- you observe so much more riding a bajaj, rather then a car.

There was a girl walking, to where I do not know, but her destination will never be known and she will never get there. While we were driving, and as I was watching her walk, a mini logging truck came by the side of our bajaj and I saw her body tumble from the front wheel, to the back. At first I didn’t know if what I was seeing was real, and then a second later I processed what I had just witnessed. Our driver stopped immediately and we all turned to look at her, lying there on the side of the road. Moments later there were several strangers surrounding her. Tears starting welling up in my eyes as I thought of what had just happened. One moment ago she was not expecting to be run over, and then a second later there she was, nearly dead with the common twitching.

I felt mad that the driver just drove off, why did this have to happen to her? Hearing about these kinds of stories is one thing but actually witnessing a scene such as this is indescribable. The rest of our ride home was silent, emotions and questions were fogging up my head. Our driver was frantically calling other drivers, warning them of the incident and the large yellow truck that would soon be coming there way. We hit traffic on the way to the ferry, and there he was on the side of the road, being held by several men. Before this moment I was so mad at this man I didn’t know, but looking into his eyes and seeing the fear, I felt a sudden urge of sympathy.

This man was going to be beat to his death for an incident that lasted no more then two seconds but would end not only one life, but two, including his own.

I continue to have these images in my head, the truck, her body flailing between the wheels and her body lying there, along with the fear of the mans eyes. I try to block these thoughts and image from my mind, but these glimpses, these images wont leave.

I know this man deserved some sort of punishment, but death?  

It goes to show how quickly life can be taken. Today is today; he who says tomorrow is a liar (lao ni lao, asemao kesho ni mwongo). Live for the moment, don’t plan too far ahead, enjoy each day and embrace the moments that make you smile, and when its hard to smile, know that YOU are great

waves crashing.

D and I at South beach, enjoying the sunshine

Emanuel, the man who made the wood earrings-so talented!

missing you.

Abraham and I at KidzCare

This week has been somewhat challenging. I am finding it hard to once again find my place in the group. K and K left at the beginning of the week-which are two of the three girls I work with and spend pretty much every waking moment with. It is difficult to fit in with the others that I don’t get much time with or have not yet connected with to some degree. Yet, I think these emotions I am feeling are partially because for the first time I got to FINALLY got to Skype with my mom and three of my brothers-it has not worked up to this point. It was both nice and sad to talk to them. It made me realize how much I miss them, which made me feel a pinch of homesick. But, I know as much as I miss them, and everyone else at home, I love it here and wouldn’t come home if I had the opportunity.

Looking good!

On my walk this morning C and I were discussing life, including marriage and just how the view of marriage has changed over the years. So often I think we get married young, and unfortunately a lot of these marriages end in divorce. Marriage has always been something that scares me, not because I don’t want to get married, but because I don’t want the option of divorce.  In Tanzania it is not necessarily acceptable but is common for the wife or husband to have a boyfriend or girlfriend outside of the marriage. How is that right? No wonder Aids is spreading throughout Africa. But I also have brought this topic up with a few Tanzanians and for the most part they believe that when you get married you should stay with that one person. I was discussing this with a young man and he said he wants to wait to get married (to a white girl) and have a house and education before stepping into marriage-he feels as if he needs to have this things in order before he has a wife-which in my opinion is very wise. He also understood the spread of HIV and how it is spreading rapidly.

It is comforting to know that the awareness of Aids is spreading, but it is also unfortunate and sad for those who have it and can’t do anything about it. There are a few kids at the both of the orphanages that I work at with HIV and it breaks my heart knowing that this is something that they will suffer from. Their legs are scabbing with wounds, and their eyes are a tint of yellow. I don’t like to think about it, but when I do my heart breaks even harder.

priceless.

Amongst all of this corruption and the things that break my heart, the children still gleam with so much life. It makes it easier to look past anything, and just embrace them. 

Shakira, so cute.

i dont want to live this ordinary life

K and I eating our favourite thing, AZAMS!

This week has touched my heart in ways I find hard to put into words. God has been stirred my heart up in ways I never expected-this being a school trip. But God does work in mysterious ways. We met some people from the states today who spoke perfect English, which is unusual in a place such as this. It was nice to have conversation with people who understood everything you were saying. They are traveling with a team of 61, which seems huge compared to our team of 12 (that is slowly decreasing). They have been traveling for 10 months, and have one more month to go, each month going to a new country doing missions and touching lives along this way. After talking to them, I got so excited and encouraged, but a part of questioned myself once again. They are so full of God and are doing as they are called to do and leading people to Christ. I felt as if I was not doing what I am capable of. God is so big, and I really need to let him live through me and lead me to where he needs me to be. These guys are doing a version of what I will be doing next September. Today along with this whole experience so far has got me so excited for Rachael’s travelling and mine to come, but has also started to challenge my own life and relationship with God.

precious.joy.

so beautiful.

Us Boona Baana girls (J, K, K and myself) made pizza with the kids last night for dinner. They could not stop thanking us for this “delicious” and “perfect” meal that we prepared for them. It was so much fun to see all their faces light up as they put their own toppings on their pizza crusts (pita bread).  In order to get the coals hot enough, we had to take turns waving a bowl on top of the coals. Although the first four we made got a little crispy on the bottom, but the kids still took them with joy in their eyes and did not even complain. E was eating her pizza very slowly, which was surprising; K later figured out that her pizza bottom was completely burnt. This being so she was still saying how much she enjoyed it, and was going to continue eating it. We made her a new pizza that was not burnt. How sweet of her to still be thanking us for her pizza, that was probably disgusting, and if K did not notice or make her a new one, she wouldn’t even have said anything! We had to cook them on hot coals, which is much harder then it looks!

singing head, shoulders, knees and toes with the kids!

This got me thinking of how lucky we have it, not only at home but here. People are cooking over coals, while we are cooking with a stove. We rarely have hot water, and when we don’t people still complain. I was ready to be sleeping in huts, and washing myself with buckets of water, if at all. And here I am with a comfortable bed, a blanket, a shower, and a nice toilet. Is this life I am living here fair? I feel as if I am not doing enough. Like I should be doing something more with my time here. I know that we are helping kids and giving them love, but there has to be something more. I pray that God uses me more and he shows me what I can do.

how is this SMILE not contagious!

I don’t want this experience to end when I get home, I need God to more then anything in my life. He is what fills me up and makes me smile. He has shown me this in more ways then just the life that I have been so blessed to live, the food that I eat, the family I have but the beauty of each day-the waves crashing, the sun rising, the simple hello  from a stranger, and especially the joy the kids have, their smiles that go from ear to ear, but what comes from a smile that touches my heart.

these kids LOVED the camera just as much as the camera LOVED them

kids found a mouse with her tiny babies.

and the kids stared in admiration for at least 20 minutes.

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. And thank you to those of you who have messaged me with words that have encouraged me and spoke words that really touched my heart and have meant so much to me. I really appreciate it and couldn’t do this without God, and all of you backing me up!

we will all leave this World changed

This morning came quickly as I was woken up at 6am-which felt more like 4am, it was still dark out and it felt as if I had only slept for a few hours. But once I got outside and started the usual (my first) morning walk/jog I was happy I rolled out of bed to join C, K and J.

The beach was full of garbage, like anywhere in Tanzania. It is a surprise if a garbage can is spotted as this is so uncommon, and even if they are used, there is not a well enough system to keep the streets even somewhat clean. It is disgusting to walk along the streets and see dead birds, rotting food, old wrappers, mangled shoes that are poking out through the mounds of dirt along the beach, ally ways, and more common the streets.

And yet amongst all the garbage and everything else that goes on in the world it was so peaceful to have the sand beneath my feet, and hear the waves crashing on the shore.

I know a lot of the time we get so caught up in the garbage of life, and we can find ourselves just laying there, not doing anything, not getting picked up. But sometimes we need to remember the sound of the waves, the sand between our toes, the little things in life that make every day a new day, a reason so smile and get the best of each new day. Life is too short to worry about the little things that won’t matter next month, or even tomorrow.

My first week here has gone by quite fast and I feel like I have been here for so much longer. I am trying to learn Kiswahili –the locals find it rude if you do not know the language, or don’t try to learn it, which makes total sense. Before K, K, J and I went to Boona Baana we were able to go to Slipway –where there are restaurants, small shops with bracelets, woodcarvings, purses, paintings and other neat hand crafted items. Since the money is so much different then Canada (e.g. $7.00CDN is equal to $10,000shillings) everything seems so expensive, when in reality it really isn’t. And since I am new to this whole money system, I just think everything is so much money! But I am learning! But, I find it more expensive then Mexico.

We got henna done today by a local lady for 5,000shillings. It only took her 5-7 minutes to do my hand, and it looks so good! The kids told me later that it is a sunflower! Also, while we were at Boona Baana we did artwork with the kids today! They painted simba(lion), trees, Mount Kilimanjaro (which is the largest mountain in Africa), the sun, birds and other things that make them happy!

E, one of the girls (who speaks four languages) knows Spanish, so here and I have been talking in Spanish, which has been a lot of fun, and really nice since she has been somewhat moody lately, so it is good to connect with her!

I came into this trip thinking that I was going to be “starving” myself, and yet I find myself eating more food then I would possibly even eat at home. Part of me feels guilty for being here in Tanzania and seeing all of these people who are hungry that have nothing, or very little of it, and then there I am, eating until I am full. It just doesn’t seem right to me in a way.

Yet, at the same time I think that we are all placed somewhere in the world for a specific reason. Coming from Canada and living the way I was so blessed to live, I can’t beat myself up for the life I have had. I, along with anyone else can either feel sorry for them, or use the famous “eat your food, there are starving kids in Africa” and never really do anything about it. Or we can use what we know to better someone’s life that does not have it as easy as we do, and take advantage of what we have been given.

a universal language we all understand, a smile

Walking through the streets and seeing the little kids always makes me so happy. The kids always look at you like they have never seen a white person, some pointing and just glaring at you, and for some it is their first time. But what really gets me is when I smile and wave at them, and then a huge smile is created. It is such a universal language, a smile. A smile can create words, and feelings with out words or understanding of who that person is.

Kara, Karisa, Jenny and I went to Boonabana. It was my third time seeing the kids, but my first time really spending time with them and connecting with  each of them. The kids range from 3-17 and don’t have parents, which makes them orphans. Boonabana provides a place for them that they can call home. The children were all happy to play and just be around us.

One of the girls, Alba said she wants to be a photographer when she is older, so she was making us do so many poses so she could practice! She was so cute as she showed us where to stand, and where we should put our hands. 

A couple of the kids knew two or more languages. I found it interesting that we receive this image of the kids in Africa, thinking they know nothing. And, for some this may be the case, but for others, it is not. These kids have so much potential, and so much life, all they need is an opportunity, and the resources.

The other day we went to Linus’ play, one of the boys at the house. He played Martin Luther King Jr. “I have a dream”, he is so smart and has so much going for him. He knows that there is so much out there, and he just like Martin Luther King has a dream.

All of these kids have a dream, didn’t you when you were younger, or even still to this day?

Coming on this trip I have realized that dreams can come true, and if we believe long enough, it can happen. If these kids strive for what they long for, it can happen. It may not be easy, and they need education and guidance, or maybe they don’t, but it is achievable.

Our dinner discussion got me thinking about Africa, and why I was here. I have been sitting here trying to put it into words, but I don’t even know if I know the answer. I know I am getting to know a small piece of Africa each day that I spend here, and falling more in love with this place.

Africa has always been seen as a dark place that needs help. And yet I wonder if they want this help or change that we want for them. I don’t think that Africa is ever going to be like North America or any other developed country, but is that bad? Definitely not, Africa is a totally different place. If they have the resources and education to make just small differences it can bring change to each city and create larger impact on their development as a whole. But how does this start? Where does this change come from? Us? The people? How is change supposed to happen in such a place? I find myself wondering how I can make a difference in this world, or even in my own city (Abbotsford). It is not only Africa that needs help, it is everywhere, and we have just always placed Africa as somewhere that needs this assistance. Although they do not live in big houses, have nice cars, they don’t receive free education, to name a few (although some do) are they not happy? The people that I have come across, have been some of the most generous, friendliest and compassionate people. So why are we trying to change them. These people are beautiful and so full of life.

That’s just something to think about. I am still not totally sure I understand this whole concept, but it is a learning experience each new day.

Smiles everywhere

 Today a few of us girls went to the orphanage. The kids all greeted us with hugs and smiles from ear to ear. Some of the children had HIV aids, broken legs, and one little girl who had just arrived was missing her forearms from an accident. It happened while she was sleeping in her crib at the young age of two. A farm pig came into her room and bit her arm, as a natural reaction she used her other arm to get the pig away, only causing both of her forearms to be taken off as well as a piece of her face- yet regardless of what traumatic experience she had, even if she was only two she was happy and so joyful, as were all the other kids. But the thing with her was that she could do pretty much everything that anyone else could. She was very intelligent and clung to me for most of the time.

All the children had so much life and love to give. They made me forget all about everything back at home and just realize how important life is. So often we worry about washing our hands before we eat, or if food drops on the floor, or if we have showered in the past two days…and to some these are “big” deals, but yet in reality, in this reality they are so small. The things in life that we seem to worry about all become so much smaller once experiencing the joy these kids bring, who have almost nothing. It is so important to remember how much we have and I don’t think we need to go to another country to figure that out, we need nothing more but what we have and even then we have too much.

It was refreshing going to the orphanage, after being so tired from traveling. When we left they were all running after our van! It was so cute, they were all adorable, and their smiles contagious (just look at the pictures)! I plan on going back to that place sometime next week, and hopefully more often.

I start my placement next week in a smaller orphanage where I will be helping kids with their homework and tutoring them. I think I will even have to help them with math!!! Not my favorite subject, but I hope it all goes well!

Things in the house are going good. Every day gets easier. I was so worried about fitting in and meshing with everyone. But for the most part I think (at least from my end) that it has gone exceptionally well. To be honest it has been a bit difficult trying to “fit” in or find my place. Especially being sort of shy (in the beginning) but like I said each day gets better!

Oh yes and my new favorite snack are Oreos and peanut butter! Has anyone ever tried that? You must, it is delicious. Very nutritious! And tomorrow for breakfast I am having toast with peanut butter and m&m’s! it was either that or fat spread (butter), and the name just throws anyone off.  But like I mentioned before there are so many little things in life that we, or I can make a bigger deal. My friend Kees always reminds me to laugh at the little things in life, especially when we have so much to live for!

Anyone have any yummy snack suggestions? Or, Games to play with the kids?

welcome to Dar es salaam

After hours of traveling, and a rollercoaster of emotions, I am finally here! I never thought leaving home or saying good-bye for a short period of time would be so difficult. But every time I hugged one of my siblings or family members I could feel my heart ache with sadness, not that I was going, but that I was going to miss them. When I hugged my dad goodbye for the fifth time, I could feel the tears in my eyes start to well up, and I knew I had to hold it in. so I just looked away and tried not to think about it. After going through security and waving yet again to my dad, my stomach started to turn and I felt sick to my stomach, I held the tears in for about five more minutes (which was how long it took me to get to the nearest bathroom) and I started to ball! I don’t know why I was crying, but I think it was good to get out of my system. My sister and mom both reassured me that I was doing what I have been called to do, and that my friends and family are backing me up, which made me feel a lot better. I didn’t want to lose sight of why I was doing this, just because I missed my family. This has been something that has been on my heart for years, and nothing can replace the excitement or joy that I felt landing in South Africa, and then one step closer, Tanzania!

 As soon as I stepped out of the plane, I instantly felt the humidity of Africa. I wasn’t too sure if It was inappropriate to wear a tank top so I kept my sweater on, only to increase the sweat forming on my back-kind of disgusting. The airport in Dar is quite small, which made it easy to navigate as to where to go next. After filling out a visa form and waiting in a very disorganized line, or more like a pile of people waiting for their name to be called, and then proceeding to the desk ahead to get a sheet of paper allowing you to stay in the country.  The bags were not on the usual caracal, but just in a pile waiting to be picked up. Luckily I placed gold and green ribbon on my suitcase, which made it very visible among the other typical black suitcases. And now it was time to leave the airport and start this adventure, and this happened as soon as I walked out the doors. My ride was nowhere to be found, and I must have looked confused, lost, worried, or all of the above. I was not too sure where she was, nor did I know if she remembered my arrival time or date! After waiting about an hour, I started to get a little worried, but tried not to show it. I patiently waited in the corner, scanning the crowd to see if she was coming or if she was hiding some place else. Unfortunately she was no where to be found, I started planning out how I could get to where I was supposed to be staying, or how long I could wait for, wondering how long everyone would stay here for until it got lonely. After scanning some more and trying not to look like I was some scared white girl, I saw that there was some sort of cluster of people-thinking that maybe I was in the wrong spot. So I put my backpack back on strolled my suitcase and took a walk over, only to find out that it was people leaving Dar, no luck! But then I see this black man and a white girl sitting on the steps, who I feel like I know or have seen before, but am not too sure so I take a glance and we half awkwardly smile at each other and I continue walking, as if I know what I am doing. And then I hear “Jocelyn?” at that moment I feel so much better! I wont have to sleep over night here, or take a taxi in an unknown country to a place I don’t even know the full name of, my parents can sleep knowing I’m not going to die. After Kara and I introduce ourselves, she then continues to introduce me to the man sitting next to her which is our driver (very nice man, also the one who yelled my name), my teacher then arrives also, and now we are on our way home to “Fathers guest house”.

The drive there does not take as long as it normally would-traffic is usually heavy at all hours of the day. The streets are full of people, even at 9:30. Their little side shops are open, selling food, furniture, lights, clothing, carvings, and several other items. Since the roads are usually condensed with cars, it only makes sense to have shops open since there are always cars going by.

The driving is somewhat crazy, but also what I had expected from previous trips to Mexico and even parts of Hawaii. People were driving on the side of the road; little vehicles were cutting through traffic as if they owned the road. But if they were to get hit, everyone in the car would die. But everyone is used to the driving so that’s likely as to why there are not more accidents. I have already come to trust the drivers and their abilities to fit through the smallest gaps on the road and cut across the road in the midst of oncoming traffic, its quite the thrill.

I had my first day in Dar, which I spent with Kara. She is very nice and easy to get along with and connect with. The rest of the group was on a safari and actually got back this evening. Kara and I went to the beach, which is about a twenty-minute taxi drive. Today was very relaxing as we spent our time reading, chatting and swimming in the warm blue water! I hesitated to put on sunscreen, as I hate wearing it. But I know if I got burnt my first day I would hear my mom saying “ I told you, you should have worn sunscreen, why don’t you listen to me?” and that was not a conversation I wanted to have with myself, so I happily placed it on my face and arms. You know when you put on sunscreen and you don’t really pay much attention and then you later realize that you haven’t put it on evenly and there are finger/handprints on your body-well that happened to me. I have some blotchy patches along my arms. But at least I got some sun right?

Later we went with some of Kara’s friends to a little market where we got some chipsies (French fries), which were FANTASTIC! Definitely something I will eat again while I am here.

There were a lot of kids that drove by on school buses and girls walking, they would all wave and yell at us. The girls were so cute and full of smiles!

After getting back to the house everyone in the group was already in the house. I was a little nervous for this moment, but I knew it was coming as soon as I got back, and there really isn’t any way you can prepare yourself for meeting 12 strangers who have already been together for two months. I am pretty shy and reserved when I first meet people, especially in large groups, but they all made it pretty easy. They were very welcoming, and nice. But I still felt a little uncomfortable as I tried to merge into this tightly knit group. As the night progressed people became easier to talk to and I started feeling a little bit better about the whole situation.

There are plenty of names to remember, not to mention all the workers and drivers we meet along the way. And the language is something I still need to learn. This all comes in time though and I know I need let down my guard and just be myself and not be so reserved. Don’t know how ill connect with anyone if I am reserved, right?

Tomorrow a couple of us girls are going to an orphanage, which I am very excited about. I am so glad they have let me be a part of their group and have made me feel welcome in even the first hours of meeting them.

It is late, and we are going early in the morning so I am off to bed!

Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts! There will be more interesting posts to come, I promise!